Archive for GERMS!
Crypto
It is swim season. Time to relax by the pool. Usually I am pool side nearly everyday, but thanks to a certain parasite called cryptosporidium, my pool side adventures have been scarce this year. Perhaps it is because every time I see a pool the theme from Jaws starts to play at an ear piercing volume (funny how nobody else can hear it). Or perhaps it is because of this commercial that [...]
Plane ride = my two biggest fears, flying and germs.
Over the weekend I had to travel by plane to Vegas. While I was white knuckling my husband’s arm and checking my seatbelt every 30 seconds, I started to formulate my escape in case the plane decided to nose dive into the desert. It was during this conversation with myself that I realized how big of a loon I am. Because as [...]
Talking to Ralph on the big white telephone
I may have told you this before, and if I have please pretend I haven’t, I really need some support here, “I hate to be sick, 80% of my day is spent dodging germs”.
Late last night at about midnight, after Hubby and I were through complaining to each other about how beat down tired we [...]
Swapping Spit
As I sat in the Grim Reaper’s dentist chair I saw what looked to be tiny Nerd Candies standing on the dental exam light. They were pointing and laughing at me. Incredibly the Nerds turned out to be little GERMS and they were pointing and laughing at me! The leader of the Nerd-like germs waved his blobish hand and heckled “I’m gonna [...]
Two Ladies
On the “Today” show there were a couple of women preaching to us viewers about good manners.
They said “it is rude and disrespectful to sanny your hanny at the dinner table” and “if you need to sanitize your hands you should excuse yourself to the restroom because the odor from the sanitizer is [...]
Even during our phone conversations you will be required to wear a surgical mask.
You have the Flu?
Listen you sickly bastards. I have absolutely no tolerance for your illness. Do you think your little flu shot malfunction was by mistake? Oh devil, you have much to learn.
Let’s start with the basics. If you are ill stay home, you don’t need to eat so take a long leave of absence [...]
When to wash/sanny your hands
After coming home from anywhere
Before touching anything that will be eaten
Right before eating (after touching all the serving spoons, and chaffier dishes.)
After handling money, credit cards, and keys
After shaking hands
After touching a door knob
After using the bathroom
After blowing your nose
After handling the refrigerator door
The entire time you are grocery shopping
Using a pen or pencil that [...]
Boast and a toast
Today marks the 2 year anniversary of Sessy’s bout with strep throat. She was diagnosed early and only had 6 hours of feeling really crappy. Ever since that weekend 2 years ago she has not been ill at all. Not even a sniffle! What more could a mother ask for? I mean really!
Heres to you [...]
Demerits for restaurant servers.
I took my girls out to dinner the other night. While relaxing and listing to their elementary school dramas I couldn’t help but notice a lady coughing at a table near us. She coughed, wheezed, and then hacked up a lung. As she blew her nose a placenta sized boogie squeezed out her nostril and [...]
May Mayhem
Are you feeling wiped out? May birthdays, Mother’s Day, dance recitals, skating shows, school musicals (fill in the blank), every single minute of the month has been scheduled with something. School is almost over and I CAN’T WAIT! No lunches to make, no early morning rushes, homework, or massive amounts of laundry – Hooray!
Enough of [...]
