Looksy who the cat dragged in…..
Today I had a most insane experience. One that included me standing butt naked in front of a male stranger…… in an extremely cold air conditioned room….. with bright lighting. You heard me correctly. INSANE! I tend to find myself involved in cookoo situations. Yet, this one really made me want to have my head examined. And internet, that is exactly what I intend to do once I hit the ripe old age of 99. Perhaps by then the level of my loony will be beyond repair. I may be broken, but I don’t want to be fixed!
It’s summer…. finally. Dance in the sun people!
Two freaking years?
Hello Internet,
Evanzstox is two years old today. Wow, seems like just yesterday I was googling home remedies for fever and sore throats when I discovered much of what I was reading was off people’s blogs. I didn’t have a clue what a blog was. So I googled “blog”, sent the link to my husband who was sick on the couch downstairs and said: “I want one”. He replied by asking: “what do you want your blog to be called?” Three domains later, Evanzstox was born. My hubby had my blog up and ready for me within a few hours. It has been a train wreck ever since.
So today, on this day of blog birth, I would like to again thank all those who make it possible. First, I must thank my spell check, not that he catches all my errors, but that he is willing to pretend he cares. Second, this blog would not be possible without the help of everyone in Boston, for my Boston readers are the most loyal and even though I’ve never met any of you, I’m certain you are also the best looking and best smelling of the crew. I can’t forget to thank Claude, the BOY next door, my children, Gucci Pucci, Richard, and of course my husband who fixes all the WordPress mess and updating headaches.
Lastly, I must take a moment to publicly appreciate the power I have gained within my circle of friends. This blog has been a great tool for getting my way, for all I need to do is threaten to write about our experiences and post a photo with their phone number. What more could I ever wish for?
Thank you for stopping by internet friends, I promise to drop by a little more often.
Happy Birthday Evanzstox!
Sincerely,
Stephanie
Breaking down boundaries
It’s time for me to set the record straight. I know you believe I’m up for the “Mother of the Year” award, but in reality it just is not the case. You really need to take me off that pedestal. It is hard for us to be friends when you make unrealistic assumptions of me. Yet, please understand I’m flattered and I like you best.
With that said, I’m sure you can relate to being treated as someone who knows all. Whether it is by a coworker, a parent, or a child, we “all knowing people” are asked the questions of the universe all day long.
Yesterday, as I was rushing with Sass to pick up pizza for a dinner party I had forgotten was at my house that night, she started with the questions. After about the 200th question I finally broke and replied by saying:
“SASS?!? That’s like me asking you how it feels to run down the street with a wiener between your legs. How would you know? you are NOT A BOY!!
Loooooooong silence. Followed by the kind of laughter you can’t keep in and your head turns red because you can’t get oxygen.
Mother of the year? why yes, sign me up.
Morning beauty
Dropping the children off for school usually goes smooth and effortlessly. It’s a 3 minute drive and drop, no issues just love and good byes. When would it ever require me to go into the school? I’ll tell you when, when I’M WEARING MY NIGHTGOWN and have drool crusted down my cheek. This morning Sessy left her lunch in the car. I took a long hard look at that little brown bag and then scanned the parking lot for other children who I knew. nobody. So I went for my phone. “WHAT? where is my phone?” Of course I didn’t have my phone! I was braless, which for me is the same as being stranded in the heart of New York without a wallet. Fine, FINE UNIVERSE! Apparently it wasn’t enough when I opened my front door this morning in my nightgown, crusty drool, eyelashes pasted to my cheeks, swamp creature hair, and poo breath, BOY was standing on my porch with his two dogs. Yes, BOY, my hot neighbor was standing there with his two dogs. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. But the smile I was donning almost melted me to my feet! Anyway, sorry I digress…. After running up all three flights of stairs at the school I remembered Sessy was on the 2nd floor not the 3rd. Sessy was absolutely amazed I came into her class looking like a hooker from skid row, but happy to have her lunch.
As I dashed out of the school I was stopped by the principle and reprimanded for leaving my son in the car. YES INTERNET I LEFT MY SON IN THE CAR. His lecture went on for what seemed like years (yes people, I understand why, no I will not do it again). When he was finally done and as I turned to finally leave the school I noticed my nose was bleeding. I am one sexy thing.
I am glad I decided to streak through the school this morning. I really didn’t want to make an extra trip up there today.
Just got a call from the school. My other daughter forgot her homework. Nice.
Afternoon delight
Nothing more fun than dropping a large glass container full of tomato sauce and then discovering there is no dish soap or paper towels even though you just came home from Costco. Nice. These are the days of my lives.
But….
No worries, for if you have a song in your heart and legs that like to boogie and perhaps hips that get jiggy, here is the perfect music for your afternoon decompression. If you think I don’t have my disco ball on and my arms haven’t imitated a robot while cleaning up the tomato sauce mess your are thoroughly mistaken.
Dance internet!
Click HERE I was unable to embed this delicious beat. Cheers!
Oh boy
I can’t help myself internet! My neighbor is yummy and cute and yes over the age of 21. Every time he is out in his yard I take a little break to appreciate the scenery. Today was exceptionally cheery, the birds were chirping, squirrels were snuggling, the sky was bright blue, and the sun was shining down on the boy next door.
As “BOY” played with his dogs I made myself cozy on my desk and watched him in all his glory. Each one of my deep breaths brought me closer and closer to the window. As I chilled from the realization my cheeks were pressed against the cold glass, I locked eyes with Claude. “WHAT IS HE DOING HERE??!” I squealed and then jumped off my desk. Claude had been in his yard the entire time and was watching me watch the boy next door. I may have been licking the glass window and mouthing the word yummy while wearing only a camisole, but none of that would have taken place if I was aware we had company.
Point Claude.
Far away from the sun
This is the time of year when I feel a little cast out in the universe. My home planet Earth is far far away from the sun and orbiting in outer darkness. Winter is still in full swing, people are coughing, and spreading mucus all over everything. Yet, in this frozen season there are signs that the rebirth of happiness and lazy days in the sun will once again come. If you stop and take notice of the sunset, you will see that the days are starting to linger a bit longer, even if only for 20 seconds. Still, that 20 seconds is a sign from the Summer Goddess, she is reminding us that she has not forgotten her promise to return. She is whispering hope of blue sky days in the near future, for basking in the sun, smelling fresh cut grass, and perhaps skinny dipping in the neighbor’s pool when they are out of town.
I am Guitar Hero
What can I say? I was born to rock. I have only played Guitar Hero about six times. I have never played for longer than thirty minutes. I rock at the hard level, but have dazzled the crowed with a few expert level gigs. A prodigy you ask? Perhaps. But mostly, I just wanna rock. If my parents would have allowed me to play the drums instead of the flute I’m certain I would be touring the world right now. How playing the drums has anything to do with Guitar Hero, I don’t know. My point is, I really do seem to be something special as far as guitar heros go. My family is constantly begging me to play gigs to earn them money and unlock more songs. In case you haven’t heard, I’m a pretty big deal.
But.
I have discovered I’m holding the guitar wrong. Which means I need to reformat my brain to assign my fingers to new buttons as I strum. Currently, I’m a mess. After playing two horrible shows and not being able to even finnish one, I flipped back to my old sad ways to be a superstar rocker and give the crowd a good show. I may need to retire soon before my incorrect technique is discovered. Until then, I’ll be rockin’. Wanna backstage pass?
Something good about the economy
The media loves to bombard our ears and minds with distress and worry by giving constant negative coverage about the American economy. Alas, my dear friends I have some good news to report which is a direct result of the economy.
Are you ready?
The media has been so busy scaring us about the economy it has had NO time to scare our pants off with the flu season. You heard me correctly, no nightly long drawn out “flu epidemic” and “we are all going to die of bronchitis” news stories. THAT, my loyal blog readers you can thank the economy for. Don’t we all feel just a little bit more healthy this winter? True, the flu season is really just upon us, but boy it feels great to not have Charles Gibson telling us we’ll have the bird flu by Valentines day. Thank you slow economy. And thank you Mr. Gibson. I feel like taking my rubber gloves off and shaking somebody’s hand.
New year, new you
I’ve had enough of all the “fit-clubbers” invading the Sports Complex my daughter skates at early in the morning. Every year it is the same thing. The Monday after we ring in a new year, hasty resolution makers rush the gym like they are going to get free donuts. Seriously, the full parking lot and wait at the front desk is painful and unnecessary. Not because you fit-clubbers don’t need the exercise, but because we both know this is only going to last a few weeks. Why put us all through the agony? Just stay in bed. Save yourself the trip and stay the crap out of my favorite parking spot. Unless of course you are going to fall off the treadmill or prematurely let go of the elastic exercise band and smack yourself in the eye and scream out profanities I’ve never heard before, then, you jazzercised fit-clubbers are welcome at the Sports Complex. Any early morning entertainment that gives a grumpy tired skate mom a giggle is welcome. Happy New Year.